{It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in the wrong direction on the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in the right direction in reverse on the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive herds of hooven animals on the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive vehicles with metal tires on the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in the wrong direction on the entrance and exit ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in the right direction in reverse on the entrance and exit ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive herds of hooven animals on the entrance and exit ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the rules and regulations of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive vehicles with metal tires on the entrance and exit ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike.}PETER There was an old couple who decided to drive cross country in their car. Both of them were almost legally deaf. About ten miles away from home the burglar alarm for their car door went off and got stuck in the on position. They drove all the way to San Francisco like this. You could hear them coming from three miles away.The alarm didnt seem to bother the old woman at all. She thought it was sort of pleasant. Near Chicago she said to her husband It sounds like faraway bees on a summer day. Her husband said What?LAURIE You can read the signs. Youve been on this road before. Do you want to go home? Do you want to go home now?PETER One of the major airlines used to run a kind of lottery mostly to give passengers something to do while the plane was waiting in line on the runway. The stewardess would hand out lottery tickets and you peeled the sticker away. If you had the right combination of numbers you won a free trip to Hawaii. If you didnt you didnt win a free trip. The airline discontinued the game when there were too many complaints about the timing of the lottery. They saidOur surveys tell us that our customers felt that waiting on the runway was the wrong time to play a game of chance.LAURIE In my dream I am your customer and the customer is always right.PETER He said you know to be _really_ safe you should always carry a bomb on an airplane. Because the chances of there being _one_ bomb on a plane are pretty small. But the chances of _two_ bombs are almost minuscule. So by carrying a bomb on a plane the odds of your becoming a hostage or of getting blown up are astronomically reduced.LAURIE Youre driving and youre talking to yourself and you say to yourself Why these mountains? Why this sky? Why this road? This big town. This ugly train.PETER In our eyes. And in our wives eyes. In our arms and (I might add) in our wives arms.LAURIE How come people from the North are so well organized industrious pragmatic and--lets face it--preppy? And people from the South are so devil-may-care? Every man for himself.PETER I know this English guy who was driving around in the South. And he stopped for breakfast one morning somewhere in southeast Georgia. He saw grits on the menu. Hed never heard of grits so he asked the waitress What are grits anyway? She said Grits are fifty. He said Yes but what _are_ they? She said Theyre extra. He said Yes Ill have the grits please.LAURIE Over the river and through the woods. Let me see that map.PETER A sideshow. A smokescreen. A passing landscape.LAURIE I was living out in West Hollywood when the Hollywood Strangler was strangling women. He was strangling women all over town but he was particularly strangling them in West Hollywood. Every night there was a panel discussion on TV about the strangler--speculations about his habits his motives his methods. One thing was clear about him He only strangled women when they were alone or with other women. The panel members would always end the show by saying Now for all you women listen dont go outside without a man. Dont walk out to your car dont even take out the garbage by yourself. Always go with a man. Then one of the eyewitnesses identified a policeman as one of the suspects. The next night the chief of police was on the panel. He said Now girls whatever happens do not stop for a police officer. Stay in your car. If a police officer tries to stop you do not stop. Keep driving and under no circumstances should you get out of your car. For a few weeks half the traffic in L.A. was doing twice the speed limit.PETER I remember when we were going into outer space. I remember when the President said we were going to look for things in outer space. And I remember the way the astronauts talked and the way everybody was watching because there was a chance that they would burn up on the launching pad or that the rocket would take off from Cape Canaveral and land in Fort Lauderdale five minutes later by mistake. And now were not even trying to get _that_ far. Now its more like the bus. Now its more like they go up just high enough to get a good view. They aim the camera back down. They dont aim the camera up. And then they take pictures and come right back and develop them. Thats what its like now. Now thats what its like.LAURIE Every time I hear a fire engine it seems like the trucks are running away from the fire. Not towards it. Not right into it. They seem like monsters in a panic--running away from the fire. Stampeding away from the fire. Not towards it. Not right into it.PETER In Seattle the bus drivers were out on strike. One of the issues was their refusal to provide a shuttle service for citizens to designated host areas in the event of a nuclear attack on Seattle. The drivers said Look Seattle will be a ghost town. They said Its a one-way trip to the host town were not driving back to that ghost town.LAURIE A city that repeats itself endlessly. Hoping that something will stick in its mind.

JOE In our country you’re free and so you’re born and so they say “You’re free” so happy birthday. And even if you were born to lose--even if you were a complete wreck when you were born--you might still grow up to be president ... because you’re free.GERALDINE Today you might be an average citizen ... a civilian ... a pedestrian ... But tomorrow you might be elected to some unexpected office--or sell your novel and suddenly become famous. Or you could get run over by a truck and your picture could get into the papers _that_ way. Because you’re free and anything might happen ... so happy birthday.JOE Gee! All those lights and all those screens! The New York Experience is mind-boggling. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many screens and I’ll probably come again ... It was really amazing mind-boggling.GERALDINE You’re walking and you don’t always realize it but you’re always falling at the same time. With each step you fall forward. Over and over you’re falling and then catching yourself from falling ... And this is how you can be walking and falling at the same time.JOE Look! Over there! It’s a real dog ... and it’s really talkingGERALDINE I wanted you and I was looking for you ... but I couldn’t find you. I wanted you and I was looking for you all day ... but I couldn’t find you.JOE Well I paid my money and I’ve got this funny feeling that somehow--you know--it’s not what I paid my money for. I mean I _paid_ my money and I just don’t think this is what I paid my money--you know--what I paid my money for.GERALDINE No one has ever looked at me like this before ... no one has ever _stared_ at me for so long like this ... This is the first time anyone has ever looked at me like this ... stared at me like this for such a long time ... for so long.JOE Well he didn’t know what to do so he just decided to watch the government and see what the government was doing and then kind of scale it down to size--and run his life that way.GERALDINE She said the hardest thing to teach her three-year-old kid was what was alive and what wasn’t. The phone rings and she holds it out to her kid and says “It’s Grandma. Talk to Grandma.” But she’s holding a piece of plastic. And the kid says to herself “Wait a minute. Is the phone alive? Is the TV alive? What about that radio? What is alive in this room and what doesn’t have life?” Unfortunately she doesn’t know how to ask these questions.JOE We were in a large room. Full of people. All kinds. And they had arrived at the same time. And they were all free and they were all asking themselves the same question What is behind that curtain? They were all free. And they were all wondering what would happen next.GERALDINE This is the time and this is the record of the time.

A while ago I got a call from the Tesla Institute in Belgrade long distance. The voice was very faint and it said “Understand do we that much of your work has been dedicated to Nikola Tesla and do we know the blackout of information about this man in the U.S. of A. And so we would like to invite you to the Institute as a free citizen of the world ... as a free speaker on American Imperialist Blackout of Information .. Capitalist resistance to Technological Progress ... the Western World’s obstruction of Innovation. So think about it.” He hung up. I thought Gee really a chance to speak my mind and I started doing some research on Tesla whose life story is actually really sad.Basically he was the inventor of AC current lots of kinds of generators and the Tesla coil. His dream was wireless energy. And he was working on a system in which you could plug appliances directly into the ground. A system which he never really perfected.Tesla came over from Graz and went to work for Thomas Edison. Edison couldn’t stand Tesla for several reasons. One was that Tesla showed up for work every day in formal dress--morning coat spats top hat and gloves--and this just wasn’t the American Way at the time. Edison also hated Tesla because Tesla invented so many things while wearing these clothes.Edison did his best to prevent conversion to AC and did everything he could to discredit it. In his later years Edison was something of a showman and he went around on the Chautauqua circuit in upstate New York giving demonstrations of the evil effects of AC. He always brought a dog with him and he’d get up on stage and say “Ladies and gentlemen! I will now demonstrate the effects of AC current on this dog!” And he took two bare wires and attached them to the dog’s head and the dog was dead in under thirty seconds.At any rate I decided to open the series of talks in Belgrade with a song called “The Dance of Electricity” and its beat is derived from an actual dance--an involuntary dance--and it’s the dance you do when one of your fingers gets wedged in a live socket and your arms start pumping up and down and your mouth is slowly opening and closing and you can feel the power but no words will come out.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of concerts in French. Unfortunately I don’t speak French. I memorize it. I mean my mouth is moving but I don’t understand what I’m saying.It’s like sitting at the breakfast table and it’s early in the morning and you’re not quite awake. And you’re just sitting there eating cereal and sort of staring at the writing on the box--not reading it exactly just more or less looking at the words. And suddenly for some reason you snap to attention and you realize that what you’re reading is what you’re eating ... but by then it’s much too late.After doing these concerts in French I usually had the temporary illusion that I could actually speak French but as soon as I walked out on the street and someone asked me simple directions I realized I couldn’t speak a single word. As a result of this inadequacy I found that the people I had the most rapport with were the babies. And one of the things I noticed about these babies was that they were apparently being used as some kind of traffic testers. Their mothers would be pushing them along in their strollers--and they would come to a busy street with lots of parked cars--and the mother can’t see what the traffic is like because of all the parked cars--so she just sort of edges the stroller out into the street and cranes her head out afterwards. And the most striking thing about this is the expression on these babies’ faces as they sit there in the middle of traffic stranded banging those little gavels they’ve all got and they can’t even speak English. Do you know what I mean?

During the newspaper strike the networks asked the writers to read their columns on TV. The writers weren’t actors they did all the wrong things they squinted into the ... lights wore rumpled! clothes and used BIG WORDS the signs for the deaf were getting more and “more” obscure with lots of qualifying (phrases) and ... uh ... awkward ... pauses so the producers kept sayingOK! Buzz words only! Two syllabus.tops!{EarshotTalkshow Uplink Update Phaselock Downtime Hotline Aftermath UpshotDropout Nosecone Headset HotshotHeatwave Domehead Flashback Feedback}

I dreamed that I was Jimmy Carter’s lover and I was somewhere I guess in the White House ... and there were lots of other women there too ... and they were supposed to be his lovers too ... but I never even saw Jimmy Carter ... and none of the other women ever saw him either ...And there was this big discussion going on because Jimmy had decided to open up the presidential elections to the dead. That is that anyone who had ever lived would have the opportunity to become President. He said he thought it would be more democratic that way.The more choice you hadthe more democratic it would be

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On the Wings of Love Lyrics

Lyricist- Peter H. Schless Jeffrey L. Osborne

Artist- Clay Aiken

Album- Playlist: The Very Best of Clay Aiken

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Just smile for me, and let the day begin You are the sunlight that lights my heart within And I'm sure that you're an angel in disguise Come take my hand and together we will ride On the wings of love Up and above the clouds The only way to fly Is on the wings of love On the wings of love Only the ...

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Posted on 11 Mar 2025, this text provides information on Playlist: The Very Best of Clay Aiken related to Peter H. Schless Jeffrey L. Osborne. Please note that while accuracy is prioritized, the data presented might not be entirely correct or up-to-date. This information is offered for general knowledge and informational purposes only, and should not be considered as a substitute for professional advice.

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