Hamsters Lyrics

(sung) Hail to the scumbag, the motherfucking president (spoken) Fucking piece of shit. Scumbag asshole fucking retard. Scumbag scumbag, you fucking piece of shit. Little fucking ...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken, by John) My father died in the '80s, but in the '40s he was quite famous. He played in the Negro Leagues. He was the first white man to play in the Negro Leagues. I think ...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)Okay, and the next one is called "Hammer Thumb."(shouted)Ow! Jesus fuck motherfucking fuck fuck. Son of a fuck bastard. Shit. I hit my fucking fucking thumb with the fuckin...Read Full Lyrics

Okay, so these are called "Pain Series" poems. It's very easy to write a Pain Series poem; all you have to do â?? there's just two rules. The â?? it has to begin and end with t...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)Okay, and this next one is called "Paper Cut." I-it's not as painful; it's more kinda whiny.(shouted)Ow! Goddamn goddamn goddamn I got a fuck-fucking paper cut! Ow! Ow! I f...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)A-and this one's called "Cold Pool." I-it's not really painful at all; it's just very uncomfortable.(shouted)Ow! Fucking freezi– you gotta fucking be kidding me! Jesus Go...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)And this one is called "Stomach Cramps."(shouted)Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Shit! Ow! Ow! Fucking stomach cramps. Ow! Ow! Ow! This is—oh my god. Ow! Ow!(spoken)I'll be okay....Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)Your father fucked your mother.At least once, your father and your mother were in bed, and your father got a hard-on, and he stuck it inside your mother and they fucked.Som...Read Full Lyrics

(spoken)I think it's all right to eat other people, as long as they've been properly canned. So in the future, when we think we're eating soy, but it turns out we're actually eatin...Read Full Lyrics

Jim is a new character I just thought of today, but I warn you â?? don't get too used to him. Don't try to get to know him, don't try to like him, because I'm gonna kill him. That...Read Full Lyrics